(Title Card: An Exasperated Dad Talks To The Minnesota Twins)

I mean, was that so hard?

Really. We’re asking you, the Minnesota Twins. Was that so hard?

After all, you don’t seem to have listened very well this year. This whole season, all we’ve been telling you is that if you just have your starting pitcher throw the game of his life, plus have your best players hit a bunch of home runs, you’re going to win some baseball games!

You want to think about listening to us, for once?

Joe Ryan, aren’t things just easier when you pitch like that? You threw a three-hit shutout and struck out nine guys. Glad you finally decided to listen to what we were saying.

Byron Buxton, did you finally get the wax out of your ears? All year we’ve been telling you that you should simply hit two 460-foot home runs, becoming the first player in the entire Statcast era to ever hit two of those moon shots in the same game.

Feels good to listen, doesn’t it?

Carlos Correa, didn’t we tell you that simply hitting a ball into the second deck was the way to go? And doing it in the first inning, too, nice to see we finally got that message across.

To all of you, doesn’t it feel nice to win 6-0, for once?

I’m glad we had this talk.

(under his breath, walking away) Man, how did the Twins pull off a split in that series?

We’ve gone a few weeks without mentioning Minnesota United much, mostly because they finally had a gap in the schedule, right at the midway point of the season. Oddly enough, while the Loons had two weeks off and international teams were in action, most of the rest of MLS played some games; Minnesota’s now one of just a handful of teams in the league that have only played 17 times.

It’s a different team, now that Emanuel Reynoso is back. One of the big pieces of news from the last couple of weeks was that Reynoso finally faced the media, and chalked his absence up to a “family situation” with his four-year-old daughter. Ultimately, based on the fans’ reaction to his two substitute appearances so far, I’d have to say that Loons fans are ready to forget all about the absence; they just want to see the number 10 back in the lineup.

The other big piece of news involved center back Michael Boxall, who was racially abused in a friendly against Qatar. Several of his teammates heard it as well, and with no action taken by the referees, New Zealand refused to play the second half of the game.

Naturally, Qatar denied everything - and in fact countered by claiming (out of nowhere) that in fact THEIR player had been racially abused. This, of course, is the “he who smelt it, dealt it” defense. Anyway nothing has been done about this and Qatar is scheduled to play in the CONCACAF Gold Cup this weekend. Wonderful, just great, great look for soccer.

Minnesota’s back on the field on Saturday, at Real Salt Lake, and has an advantage, in that RSL had to play on Wednesday. They will, however, be missing goalkeeper Dayne St. Clair, fullback Kemar Lawrence, and midfielder Joseph Rosales, all of whom are with their national teams for the Gold Cup.

Over in the basketball world, with seven minutes gone in the game, the Lynx were already down 19-6 to the Connecticut Sun - and things didn’t get much better from there. Minnesota shot just 32% from the floor, and 18% from three-point range, and they lost 89-68 at home to Connecticut.

Napheesa Collier had 21 points, but was -22 on the night; every Lynx starter save Bridget Carleton was -22 or worse for the game. Dorka Juhasz was back in the starting lineup, so that’s one major injury avoided, but otherwise it was a forgettable evening at Target Center.

Lynx fans will be excused, in this year where maybe tanking isn’t the worst thing in the world, for being not all that frustrated about nights like this.

So many of the St. Paul Saints updates lately have been about hitting, but Thursday night in Toledo, that’s something the Saints didn’t manage much. St. Paul had only three hits for the night, and four Mud Hens pitchers combined to shut them out in a 6-0 loss for the Saints.

St. Paul did walk six times, but also struck out a combined 12 times as a team, so I think this lineup is ready to be in Minnesota at any moment.

Finally, Minnesota United FC 2 was in St. Louis to take on St. Louis City 2 - no, I will not learn how to spell that correctly - and neither team managed to find a goal in an 0-0 draw. St. Louis did take the penalty shootout, 4-3, to earn the extra point at home.

The Doubloons are still mired in the middle of the western MLS NEXT Pro standings, with 19 points from 13 games.

TONIGHT’S SLATE

TWINS at Detroit, 5:40pm, Kenta Maeda to make his first big-league start since April 26
SAINTS at Toledo, 6:05pm

ON DECK

LOONS at Real Salt Lake, Saturday
LYNX vs Seattle, Tuesday

AURORA at Bavarian United, Saturday
CROWS vs Thunder Bay, Wednesday
DOUBLOONS vs Portland Timbers 2, July 2