Please don’t make me talk about the football, or fútbol, games this weekend. We’ll attempt this later, maybe later today or tomorrow; I think we all need some processing time.

Let’s talk baseball! The Twins officially won the AL Central on Friday night, beating the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim to move to 82-72 on the year. I’d been writing for a month that the real Twins magic number was the number of wins it would take to get to a guaranteed winning record for the year, and I ended up being exactly right - as soon as they won game 82, they clinched their playoff spot.

Minnesota took two out of three over the weekend, which actually dropped them farther behind Texas for a potential playoff bye, as the Rangers have won five in a row. So that brief glimmer of hope is gone, at this point; all that’s left for the final six games of the year is to get everything in line for a Wild Card series against Houston or Seattle, probably.

Friday’s celebration was pretty joyful, for the Twins, given the low stakes involved. My main memory of the celebration will be that on-field reporter Audra Martin did not punch Pablo López, even after the pitcher dumped a beer on her during an interview. (López told her, “You’re part of this! You’re part of our team!”, which is a sweet sentiment, but also one that could be communicated without dousing someone with alcohol on camera.)

Minnesota now has an entire week of exhibition games, effectively, with three against the hapless Oakland Athletics and three against the awful Colorado Rockies. Say what you will about the Twins winning a bad division, but it’s better than having 207 combined losses, like Oakland and Colorado do.

The Twins will take this opportunity to set up their starting rotation, so that López and Sonny Gray can pitch games 1 and 2. They also will have a chance to figure out who’s going to pitch Game 3, and frankly I’m hoping they go with “a bullpen game, but made up entirely of starting pitchers.” They can have three innings of Kenta Maeda, followed by two each from Joe Ryan, Bailey Ober, and Louie Varland. (Ober, whose worst two innings this year are the first and second, will pitch two simulated innings in the bullpen and then come in for his third inning.)

Given injuries, it’s also entirely unclear what the Game 1 batting order will look like. Sunday’s lineup included Trevor Larnach, for example, and Larnach hasn’t been seen in the majors, except for short cameos, since the middle of May.

The Gopher volleyball team went down to Nebraska on Sunday, and as expected, the #2 Cornhuskers rolled. Minnesota managed to avoid getting killed in any of the three sets, and two of them were back-and-forth battles, but Nebraska prevailed in all three.

If this were tennis, the score would have been 7-6, 6-4, 7-6.

It’s coach Keegan Cook’s first year on campus, so expecting greatness from the Gophers is probably unrealistic; right now, it looks like the Gophers are set for a continuation of the past few years. They’re an excellent team, but one that maybe doesn’t quite have the firepower to compete for the conference or national title.

TODAY’S SLATE

Nothing! Nobody can lose today! No blown leads or interceptions in the end zone!

ON DECK

TWINS vs Oakland, Tuesday
GOPHERS VOLLEYBALL vs Michigan, Friday
GOPHERS FOOTBALL vs Louisiana, Saturday
LOONS vs San Jose, Saturday
VIKINGS at Carolina, Sunday