My Sports Resolution for 2024

I love watching sports on TV, which I suppose is not surprising to anyone who’s reading this. Returning from holiday vacations on New Year’s Eve meant that I had the opportunity to get plenty of sports viewing in over the weekend - an NFL Sunday, the NHL Winter Classic, the college football playoffs, and so on - and it reminded me just how much I like to have a game on TV, even if it’s entirely random.

I have discovered something about myself, though, and it’s almost certainly not new, but for whatever reason I’m only now getting truly embarrassed about it: I am absolutely awful to watch a game with.


Minnesota Update: Vikings, Wild, Wolves, oh my

It’s not about the Vikings, it’s about a Viking

The Vikings lost 27-24 in overtime to Cincinnati last Saturday, a game that featured enough astonishing mistakes to fill a hundred hours of post-game call-ins. Kevin O’Connell calling an absolutely woebegone quarterback sneak in overtime, one that involved the smallest player on the roster trying to push the quarterback forward behind a famously undersized center, watching it fail, then calling the exact same play again, is probably the one that will live the longest in the memory.

But. The more I let this game settle, the more I realized that talking about the Minnesota Vikings this year - and, I’m starting to realize, every year - is not really a monologue about a team. In today’s NFL, talking about the team really means just talking about the quarterback.


Minnesota 3, Opponent 0

When I was a kid, the Vikings played a Christmas-week game against the Pittsburgh Steelers that was the most hilarious bad game I can remember. The boxscore says that it was 42 degrees and windy, but that’s not what it seemed like at the time: what I remember is that it was about forty below, with howling winds, though I concede that this has more to do with my memory than anything. (I found the highlights, which show at least that everyone involved was wearing long sleeves.)

It was truly a disastrous game. Sean Salisbury fumbled two snaps, Mike Tice (!) blocked a Steelers field goal, and Minnesota’s game highlight might have been an 84-yard punt by Harry Newsome. But the Vikings got two field goals in the fourth quarter from Fuad Reveiz, which was enough to beat an entirely hapless Steelers offense*, which was being led by the immortal Bubby Brister; Minnesota won that game, 6-3.

*Unbelievably, both of those teams won division titles in 1992, though both also got creamed in their first playoff game.

I never thought I’d see another game that bad, in the NFL, where both teams were so entirely lost that neither one could find the end zone. But Sunday… Sunday, the Vikings played in what might have been the worst NFL game of the decade.


A visit to Hutton Arena, and to basketball's past

A picture of Hamline's Hutton Arena
Image credit: I took this photo

If you get on Snelling Avenue up by the state fairgrounds, and you drive south, you cross the broad expanse of railyards that slices the middle of the Twin Cities in two. Over in this part of town, it divides the fairgrounds from Midway, and the bridge across the vast train-dotted wasteland has a speed limit of 45mph. If you’re headed south, you have to be on guard; at the end of the bridge, the speed limit suddenly drops to 30, and you go from what looks like an interstate highway to what looks like any other St. Paul neighborhood, in the space of one short downhill stretch. And so at all hours, the key feature of the area is scores of cars, trying to slow from about 55mph to something near 30.

Should you glance to your left, though, what’s tucked off to your left is Hamline University. You can’t see much of the campus from Snelling Avenue; you pass a few stately-looking buildings, back in the trees, and one glassed-in newish building that’s right on a Snelling corner, but mostly the university itself is a bit removed from the traffic, certainly for those who are focusing on the flashing sign that informs southbound drivers that while the speed limit is 30, they are currently going 51.

There’s one exception, one that looms up on your left, as you jam on your brakes going south, a stately brick edifice with a barrel-vaulted roof, looking for all the world - as you try to stop for the sudden red light that’s appeared in front of you, look out! - like a miniature Williams Arena.

This is Hutton Arena. And after driving by it three thousand times, on the way to Loons games or the airport or just somewhere generally in St. Paul, I finally had the good sense to go visit it.


Everything's fine in St. Paul

The Minnesota Wild have now won four games in a row, all regulation wins, by a combined score of 18-5. This came on the heels of a seven-game losing streak, at the end of which the team fired Dean Evason and hired John Hynes as coach.

Now, perhaps the tweaks that Hynes has made - which seem to include slightly more aggressive power-play coverage, and more offensive involvement from the defensemen - have really been game-changers. But the simpler explanation is this: man, the Wild must have HATED Evason.

This is not exactly a unique situation. This happens approximately three times a year in every hockey and soccer league on the planet; there seems to be something about “put the ball/puck in the net” sports that sometimes requires a change in the manager’s office to unlock the team. (I would love to know whether, say, handball teams have this same trouble.)

But the truth of the resurgence is probably summed up in this quote from winger Marcus Foligno, on what the difference is: “Guys away from the puck working twice as hard.”


A semi-reasonable guess at MLS's 2024 format

There are, I think, two immutable rules of expanded sports playoffs; I can think of no exceptions.

  1. When any league announces expanded playoffs, there will be bellyaching. Too many teams make the playoffs! The regular season is worthless now!
  2. When the actual expanded playoffs roll around, they will draw record viewership.


Chicago 12, Vikings 10, Evason fired: A red-letter day

Minnesota sports fans aren’t exactly strangers to days where everything seems to go wrong, but even by their bruised standards, Monday has to go down as an exceptional day.

In the afternoon, the Wild - mired in a seven-game losing streak - officially fired head coach Dean Evason, mostly because he was the only person in the organization that was allowed to be fired. In the evening, the Vikings lost 12-10 to the hapless Chicago Bears, a game that felt like a three-hour representation of what it’s like to have a brain injury.

Let’s take these one at a time.


Which Minnesota sports franchise is the most forlorn? A ranking

It gets dark early these days, and so it’s natural that our thoughts turn to the relative deep, dark winters of our sports teams. Minnesota’s pro squads span the gamut these days, from the entertaining to the deeply distressing. But which of them is the most forlorn? A ranking, in order of least to most despondent: