I can’t in good conscience tell you that this week’s Twinkie Town post makes any sense. If you think you’d like reading an article in which Joe Mauer’s agent pitches a sitcom based on Joe’s life, then I guess you’ll probably like this.

Note: This appeared at SoccerCentric.

That’s the number of fans that turned out to CenturyLink Field in Seattle for Sunday night’s grudge match between rivals Seattle and Portland in MLS. It was the second-best-attended game in MLS history; it was also the third-best attendance for any soccer game in the world over the weekend, just behind the 71,000 that watched Bayern Munich.

Many were there to see the home debut of national team star Clint Dempsey, whose first two matches for the Sounders had come on the road. Most, however, were there to see what has become the league’s best rivalry; Portland’s last visit to Seattle drew 40,000+ on a 40-degree night in mid-March.

Dempsey, to the disappointment of the Sounders supporters, did not score. However, striker Eddie Johnson, Dempsey’s USA teammate, did find the net, flicking a header just inside the far post from a Mauro Rosales free kick in the 60th minute. It was enough to give Seattle a 1-0 win, which lifted the Sounders into fifth in the Western Conference, just two points behind second-place Los Angeles.

The signing of Dempsey, which made “Deuce” the league’s highest-paid player, had the effect of adding some serious pressure for Seattle, which has languished in the bottom half of the conference standings all season – due mostly to their terrible record on the road. The Sounders have lost only once at home all year – but have an ugly seven losses in twelve away games. With Dempsey’s arrival, the time for excuses in the Pacific Northwest is over; the Sounders need to start climbing the standings.

Not even the visitors – Premier League powerhouse Manchester City – could dampen the atmosphere at Cardiff City Stadium. The Bluebirds crowd came ready to party, and were rewarded with a reason to celebrate. Aron Gunnarsson scored, Frazier Campbell scored twice with his head from corners, and Cardiff City – little Cardiff City, without a top-division goal for 51 years – ran out 3-2 winners against mighty Manchester City.

Elsewhere, Arsenal got its first points of the year, beating Fulham 3-1, and Liverpool beat Aston Villa 1-0 on the strength of another Daniel Sturridge goal. The biggest game of the weekend, though, is today, as Chelsea and Manchester United play this afternoon (2pm, NBC Sports).

In conclusion, Qatar is still a very, very dumb place to have the World Cup.

In France, uber-rich Paris-St. Germain got its first win of the season after a pair of draws to begin the year. PSG, with Qatar’s billions behind them, will likely win the French title again this year, so it’s entertaining to see them trip out of the gate, even a little.

The English Premier League has never been more popular stateside, especially now that NBC Sports is showing every game of the season in one format or another. TV ratings nearly doubled for the opening weekend, compared to last year, and three-quarters of a million people watched Swansea City and Manchester United on NBC – more people than watched several NHL games on NBC last season.

New people who are getting into the league quite naturally feel the need to pick a favorite team, something NBC Sports did its best to play up. This does, however, tend to lead to something I can’t quite figure out: fans that have adopted the rivalries of their new favorite teams. You need go no farther than Twitter, or really any message board where soccer fans congregate, to find Americans – with no connection whatsoever to any kind of local rivalry – abusing each other as a result of these long-held grudges.

When you think about it, this makes no sense. Obviously, local rivals – say, Manchester City and Manchester United – have a long. contentious history. But that contention has been caused by proximity, by the experience of a City fan that’s grown to hate United fans because he’s been surrounded by them at school and at work and so forth. It’s no different than Vikings fans and Packers fans in Minnesota; there wouldn’t be a rivalry if there weren’t Packers fans around, fulfilling their apparent destiny as the most annoying group of people on Earth.

I know you’re out there, Premier League fans. I understand that you quite naturally want to be as big of a fan as you can be, and that this may, in your mind, mean adopting the traditional rivalries of your club, but this makes no sense. Be a big of a fan as you want, but unless somehow you’ve become (for example) an Everton fan that’s lost in a sea of Liverpool supporters, leave the rivalries alone. Making fun of someone else for a rivalry that you’re not part of doesn’t hurt their feelings – it just makes you look like a moron.

*On with the links:

*At Twins Daily, Nick Nelson looks at the future of Twins catching prospect Josmil Pinto, whose development seems all the more important in the wake of Joe Mauer’s concussion.

* You really need to read Wright Thompson’s profile of Dan Gable.

*Chris Brown explains the reads that quarterbacks need to make in the modern-day passing game. (Basically: things are a lot more complicated these days than they used to be.)

*Also from Twins Daily, and Cody Christie, the kind of crazy speculation I like: could the Twins re-sign Johan Santana this year?

*And finally: Lourawls Nairn. There aren’t enough exclamation points in the world for that name. (And his nickname is Tum Tum!)

Episode 27 of the Sportive was mostly about ranting. We also gave marriage advice. (As the sole bachelor on the podcast, I stayed away from giving advice in that segment.)

*NOTE: This also appeared at SoccerCentric. *

Tampa Bay’s game-tying goal last Saturday, scored from a corner with the last kick of the match, was a shock to the system – a dagger, right at the end of a game during which Minnesota United had defended exceptionally.

If anything, it was a microcosm of Minnesota’s problems – good defense undone by one moment of relaxation when defending a set piece. In each of United’s past five games, the first goal they’ve allowed to their opponents came from a set piece of some kind, including all three goals that Minnesota has allowed in their three fall-season games.

“Massive frustration,” said defender Connor Tobin. “They’re cheap goals.”

I asked head coach Manny Lagos and defender / assistant coach Kevin Friedland to walk me through the team’s process for working on free kicks. According to the coaching staff, the team assigns specific roles to each defender for corner kicks; some players are assigned to mark specific opponents, while others are assigned other roles – presumably manning a post, or manning another zone in the defensive area. (The coaches, understandably, didn’t specify all aspects of their defensive plan for public consumption.)

The day before a game, the team runs through their set piece scripts, both offensively and defensively, just to make sure everyone’s on the same page. “We typically try to predict which ones of their guys will be coming forward and which guys will attack,” said Friedland. “For instance last game, the guys that we had predicted actually didn’t come [forward] in the first half, so we made some adjustments.”

According to Friedland, the team’s made a few tweaks in that preparation for the fall, in terms of which players are assigned to which roles – something that’s already had an effect. “Despite the goals we’ve given up being off set pieces, it’s hard to say, but I think we’ve actually been better on set pieces than we were, even though we have given up the goals,” he said.

The problem over the past few games has not been the initial ball into the box. Though all three fall goals allowed by Minnesota have come on corner kicks, none of them has been headed directly in from the corner; instead it’s the second ball in, or the third ball in, that’s ending up in the back of the net.

“We’re still defensively not finishing off plays the right way,” said Lagos. “We tend to deal with the first danger and get complacent. We’ve really been trying to stress finishing plays out defensively until the danger’s cleared.”

Said Friedland, ” I think sometimes you just have to finish the play; the ball is actually not dead until it clears. I think a couple of times we have our marks, and then a second ball coming in, we get caught ball-watching or trying to anticipate a play or a counter-attack to go in favor of us, and it doesn’t work out that way and then you’re out of position.”

“In my opinion, it’s just mental things,” said Tobin. “You look at it, all three of them aren’t the initial ball being served in, it’s all second or third balls. For me, that’s not a physical thing, that’s a mental thing. A lot’s been made of the defenders, but I think that it’s entire group mentality, everyone on the pitch, [needs to] get switched on.”

Ultimately, then, United’s issues are less about preparation, and more about concentration. For center back Aaron Pitchkolan, defending set pieces really shouldn’t be that hard. “Positioning-wise, all corner kicks are the same; they come from the same spots. It’s just knowing where we’re all supposed to be, and once the ball gets cleared out, knowing where our spots are supposed to be after that.”

For Tobin, Pitchkolan’s defensive partner, the team just needs to give a little more effort on the training pitch. “In my opinion, it’s in training, when we do set pieces, there has to be that urgency, has to be that hunger and realizing that we haven’t been good enough at it,” he said.

If the team didn’t have that sense of urgency before, they’ll have it on this week’s trip to Carolina. The RailHawks ended Minnesota’s spring-season chances earlier this year with two late goals to win the game – both of which came from corner kicks.

The Twins have made much over the years of doing things the Twins Way, which has mostly boiled down to “strikeouts bad, ground balls good.” Over at Twinkie Town, I wrote out the entire thing, mostly in the voice of former manager Tom Kelly, who seems like fun.

NOTE: This appeared at SoccerCentric.

Minnesota United heads back to Carolina this week, to revisit the scene of what was eventually understood to be the end of their spring-season title hopes. Up 2-1 with barely eight minutes to play, Minnesota allowed a pair of Brian Shriver goals in the span of two minutes, and lost 3-2. United didn’t recover for the rest of the spring, and only now is beginning to climb out of the hole they found themselves in that day.

Carolina, on the other hand, was in first place after that game, a place they retained until the spring’s final weekend, when a 2-0 loss at San Antonio allowed Atlanta to snatch the title. The RailHawks bounced back, as they always seem to do, and after three games in the fall season, they’re in first place in the league – mostly on the strength of two home wins, which is not a surprise. The RailHawks are undefeated at WakeMed Soccer Park this year, with ten wins in eleven games in all competitions; it’s only their road form that kept them from winning the spring title.

To get a little more insight into the RailHawks, I talked to Neil Morris, who covers the team for Indy Week (and who recently wrote this excellent article on the location-less Soccer Hall of Fame that you really should read). The scouting information below all came from him.

Standout: Brian Shriver

Though Shriver’s technically a midfielder, he’s played at forward this year. He scored five goals last year, but back and knee problems slowed him down as the year progressed. This year, he’s finally completely healthy, and has responded by banging in eleven goals to lead the NASL.

Said Morris, “Last year, he was called upon to play a lot of right and left wing. This year, Carolina has a number of players who can fill the wing position for the team and create opportunities. Shriver’s been able to station himself in the middle and up top in more of a forward position, so he’s more in a position to score goals.”

Strength: Attacking midfield

Carolina deploys a number of different players in midfield – last week against New York, it was Ty Shipalane, Nick Millington, Austin da Luz, and Brenier Ortiz. (Enzo Martinez and Cesar Elizondo have also seen quite a lot of time.) It’s a fast, creative group, one that’s learned to use the field at Carolina – one of the longest and widest in the league – to its advantage. “I think that’s their biggest strength is to be able to get forward in attack and move the ball and create opportunities,” said Morris.

da Luz was sent off last week, and will miss this game due to suspension – but Carolina has plenty of choices to replace him from that group of six.

(It’s also worth noting that Morris reported that Bryan Arguez, who the RailHawks acquired from United over the summer break, has been released by mutual consent after starting one game for Carolina.)

Weakness: Finishing chances up front

Last year, defense was Carolina’s weakness. The RailHawks allowed 46 goals in 28 matches, tied for worst in the league, but the signing of center back Paul Hamilton from Edmonton seems to have helped shore things up at the back for Carolina. Said Morris, “When all their defenders are healthy, they’ve got a pretty good back line.”

It sounds odd, coming from a team that’s had 11 goals from one player, but the thing this year that frustrates the RailHawks fans is the team’s inability to finish the scoring chances generated by the attacking midfielders. “Their conversion rate in front of goal has been sorry,” said Morris.

Carolina has tried a number of different partnerships up front, with Shriver being the mainstay. Zach Schilawski started most of the spring season, then gave way for two games at the beginning of the fall to Brian Ackley. The two, however, have scored just three goals – one of them Ackley’s conversion from the penalty spot last week. Even now, Carolina’s second-leading scorer in 2013 is Floyd Franks, who these days is part of Minnesota’s midfield.

Nicholas Addlery, who scored 48 goals for now-defunct Puerto Rico over four seasons, could be the forward Carolina’s looking for. Unfortunately for the RailHawks, he’s been beset by injuries, and hasn’t played a minute this season- though he was on the bench and available Saturday. Morris, however, isn’t too convinced he’s the solution. ” I think there’s a lot that’s being put on his shoulders, and I’m not sure that a 31-year-old coming off a month-long knee injury can be expected to help,” he said.

Matchup to watch: Carolina’s attackers vs. Minnesota’s defensive midfield

Minnesota has been deploying midfielders Calum Mallace and Sinisa Ubiparipovic as part of almost a triangle in cnetral midfield, with Ubiparipovic at the front and Mallace and another midfielder – Michael Reed last week – at the back. If they come out in a similar 4-2-1-3 this week, it’ll be up to Mallace and Reed to blunt the force of the Carolina midfield before it reaches the United back line.

Note: This appeared at SoccerCentric.

The exception was over at Arsenal. The Gunners scored six minutes in to lead Aston Villa 1-0, but everything collapsed from there; Christian Benteke scored twice from the penalty spot, Arsenal defender Laurent Koscielny was sent off, and Villa defender Antonio Luna added a third to give the away team a 3-1 win.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has famously built successful teams on the cheap; since taking over in North London in 1996, he’s won four league titles and four FA Cups, all while spending very little to acquire players. He’s actually been a net saver in the transfer market during his stint – he’s brought money into the club by selling players for more than he’s spent, in sharp contrast to the spendthrifts at Manchester United and the oil-soaked profligates at Chelsea and Manchester City.

All of this is well and good, except that Arsenal hasn’t won a single thing since 2005. Wenger promised to spend money in the transfer market over the summer to improve a team that once again squeaked into fourth place last season, but so far this year, he’s put on one of his all-time miserly showings, spending exactly $0 and bringing in one player while letting an astonishing 22 (!) players leave.

After his team’s loss to Aston Villa, he sounded increasingly unhinged, railing at reporters, “You got what you wanted, you should be happy… Before the start the season that was all you write in the papers so what do you expect?” Sure, it’s early, but at the moment Wenger appears to have one of the richest clubs in the world headed for a rather confusing mediocrity.

Sure, this was a meaningless friendly, and neither the Americans nor Bosnia-Herzegovina had a full squad. Still, it’s an impressive win, on the road, over a team currently ranked 13th in the world. And Altidore – who’s only 23, and is just starting his first season in England, with Sunderland – is on the verge of becoming the USA’s next big star.

*This also appeared at SoccerCentric. *

Here’s my game story for the paper, as well.

Minnesota United has had a couple of heartbreakers this year – Carolina at home, Tampa Bay at home, and especially Carolina away, when United threw away a 2-1 lead in the span of three minutes and lost 3-2.

This one, though. Tampa Bay stole a point with literally the last kick of the match, which you have to admit, isn’t something you see every day.

Manny Lagos was not, in any way, happy with the referee; he had some rather testy quotes about how the game ended that will be in the story for tomorrow’s paper (which isn’t online yet). It looked to be a pretty heartbroken group on the field postgame.

On the other hand,** Andres Arango**, who got the equalizer for Tampa Bay, couldn’t have been more thrilled. His wife’s family is all from Minnesota – he played here from 2008-2010 – so he had a bunch of family and friends at the game. During the first half he took an inadvertent elbow to the face, which drew blood and left him with an angry welt under his eye, but he was all smiles after rescuing a draw. “We were battling, battling, we had a couple of chances, we weren’t really getting obvious chances but we were pushing forward,” he said. “To go home with a point, we’re still undefeated this season. It’s huge.”

A new defensive partnership

One of the positives United can take from the game, and really the last two games, has been the play of Connor Tobin and Aaron Pitchkolan in the center of defense. Pitchkolan played mostly in midfield in the spring season, but he and Tobin looked very strong – especially against massive Tampa Bay striker Carl Cort, who looks like he always should have villagers with torches chasing him.

“I thought they had a great game,” said Lagos. “They worked hard and limited Tampa’s chances, and dealt with some really big boys who threw a lot of balls into the box, and I thought they did a great job of navigating those.”

United’s now allowed a goal in all three games in the fall season, but not one has come from open play; all three were from set pieces. Obviously, that’s been the team’s Achilles heel all season on defense, but they can take some consolation that they’ve mostly shut down three teams in a row – especially Tampa, which just two weeks ago put seven past San Antonio.

Not much heat in Barbara’s return

I wondered if Etienne Barbara would get a frosty reception from the fans of his former team, after he ripped the club on the way out. The boo-birds mostly stayed away, though, and he played the final 30 minutes of the match without making much of a dent.

The player he was traded for, Mike Ambersley, probably had more of an impact in a third of the time on the field. Ambersley had one scoring chance, which ended up going straight at Rowdies keeper Diego Restrepo, but he looked like a possible force. It’d be interesting to see what he and Pablo Campos could do with some extended time together; Ambersley seems like a natural complement to Campos, who is much more of a target forward.

Notes

• Kevin Venegas started at right back; no word on what kept Brian Kallman out of the game. I know Kallman trained Thursday in full, but perhaps he picked up an injury between then and the match.
• United tried a little something different, formation-wise. Simone Bracalello and Max Griffin played very far forward on the wings – true wingers, really. In the midfield, Calum Mallace and Michael Reed **sat back, behind **Sinisa Ubiparipovic – almost in a triangle formation. The whole thing meant that the outside backs didn’t get forward as much as they might usually do, leaving it mostly to Griffin and Bracalello (who kept switching sides) to do so.
• Mallace looked a little frustrated a couple of times; he made good counter-attacking runs, and had his hand up and was open for a cross-field pass, but United just wasn’t switching the field very well. If anything, they got a little narrow at times; some width would have done them good.
• I chatted with Daryl Sattler postgame; he had surgery to repair the torn labrum in his hip, and was hobbling around on crutches, unable to put any weight on his injured leg. He said he was pain-free, but was getting pretty tired of not being able to get around very well, which I can understand.