Last Monday at Twinkie Town was the final Monday of spring training. Starting tomorrow, I have to come up with actual things to write about on Mondays. For now, though, I just made five top five lists – I lacked the creativity to come up with ten things for any of the lists – and called it good enough.

Theoretically, there was space for twenty-five jokes in this piece. I am happy with about four of them, maybe as many as five. I am batting .200 at best. I am the Drew Butera of comedy.