Thanks to some scheduling issues (i.e. I was in Vegas all weekend), Thursday was my day at Twinkie Town this week. With the Twins getting no-hit on Wednesday night, I decided to make a few short lists about how bad the Twins are.

Also, we did a poll and found that 90% of Twins fans think the team will lose at least 90 games this year, and well over half are predicting at least 100 losses. (Only 9% agreed with me in saying that the Twins will lose 120 games this year. I think it’s happening.)

The Twins wanted to “cheer up” Francisco Liriano, according to manager Ron Gardenhire. Over at Twinkie Town, I imagined what that might look like.

The same day, the Twins announced that – following another disappointing start – Liriano would be skipped his next time up in the rotation. No wonder he needed cheering up.

*Every time I write something that even touches on a political matter, it becomes clear to me that I should not do this ever. Anyway, this appeared first at RandBall, your home for new athletic directors. *

In times of great conflict, it’s nice to have legislators that we can all be proud of. We are blessed with great leaders and statesmen, folks who, when contentious decisions like the Vikings’ Minneapolis stadium proposal come up for debate, will do the right thing and bog that thing down in committee. It’s what our legislators promised us on the stump – that they alone were ready, willing, and able to go to St. Paul and to tie things up in procedural nonsense.

I get that this is a difficult decision. Minnesota would be a poorer place if the Vikings were to leave town, which they will do without a new stadium. At the same time, the team’s asking for a lot of public revenues to be spent on a building that for some reason costs more than Target Field and TCF Bank Stadium put together. Like every group of people, the state of Minnesota is hamstrung by the need to make finite resources cover infinite wants, and there’s a legitimate discussion to be had about where an NFL team fits in our list of priorities and expenditures.

Surely, the least our legislators can do is to actually have that discussion – to stop sinking into the cameral morass and to simply make a decision. Government exists as a centralized way for us to provide ourselves services. It’s time to quit arguing about the process and to decide whether an NFL team will be one of those services. This is elected leaders’ only job, and I couldn’t be more frustrated in their continuing inability to do so.

On with the links:

*Via Phil Mackey, SI.com’s Tom Verducci thinks that the spate of recent injuries to closers means that it’s time to rethink how the baseball bullpen is used. Maybe “throw hard enough for your arm to explode, for one inning, every other day” really isn’t the best way of taking care of pitchers’ arms. (This also seems like a good time to link to Deadspin checking in with former Twins reliever Dr. Mike Marshall, who could pitch pretty much every day if anybody needed him.)

*Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey, writing at economist.com, makes a compelling case that nobody could have predicted the rise of Jeremy Lin – not even the guy that purportedly did.

*I enjoyed local writer Bryan Reynolds writing about his day trying to play lacrosse with the Minnesota Swarm. Key quote: “The consensus from the game was that none of us have the ability to run from one end of a hockey rink to the other.”

*Jesse Lund at Twinkie Town goes inside the pitch breakdowns to study how Carl Pavano beat the Yankees despite throwing only four breaking pitches all night.

*And finally – the goofs at Down Goes Brown have the latest (made-up) Brendan Shanahan disciplinary video explanation. We all used to make fun of former disciplinary czar Colin Campbell for his inconsistent, inscrutable decisions, but Shanahan is as bad, if not worse.

Ben Revere was sent down to Triple-A, which from a baseball perspective is a good thing  – he needs to play more than he is currently playing in the majors, so that he may continue to develop. From a promotional standpoint, though, it’s a bad thing, since the team was holding Ben Revere Bat Day in a couple of weeks.

Over at Twinkie Town, then, we look at some other (made-up) Twins promotions that the team might want to cancel.

Forgot to post these until the Thursday after. Timely! As always, these appeared first at RandBall, your home for bashing Bo Ryan.

Last Sunday, America watched the Masters and found its new golf hero, Bubba Watson. His left-handed swing looks like he’s right-handed but nobody’s had the heart to tell him. He possesses a body so strangely proportioned he appears to be a caricature of himself. He swings a pink driver and when he wins a major he goes out for ice cream with his buddies and he talks like a Dukes of Hazzard character and he seems to be genetically incapable of playing safely.

Christopher Mann writes that his everyman appeal allows us to project ourselves upon him, and that’s what makes him popular – that “the light of exceptional ordinariness” shines in him. But I’m not sure that’s right; not one of us would have tried to put fifty yards of hook into a wedge shot on a playoff hole in the Masters. We are, after all, not crazy. I was pleading through the television for Bubba to do the sensible thing and wedge out into the fairway and try to make an up-and-down par, the play that I think 98% of pro golfers would have made.

It’s hard not to compare Watson to the tour’s current scrambling lefty maestro, Phil Mickelson. Phil has long seemed like the id of the golf world, all flop shots and inappropriate club choices. But if Phil is the tour’s id, then Watson is Phil’s id – the shaggy-haired, long-hitting fearless banana nut fudge that Phil manages to keep locked up inside. Every so often, the demon flares inside Mickelson, and he ends up trying to play a shot right-handed out of a lake with one foot on a pontoon. But Bubba is all demon – swing hard and hope, and forget about what might go wrong.

I hope someday, we get a back-nine duel with Bubba and Phil in the same group. I hope Phil comes down to the last hole with a two-shot lead. I hope Phil’s caddy is there, telling him to just play safe down the middle and win the tournament. And I hope we see Phil glance at Bubba. I hope Phil sees the glint of a luridly pink driver, and faces personification of the crazy voice in his head, all wild hair and absurdly long arms and southern accent, the manifestation of the voice that’s telling him, forget playing safe, let’s swing hard and see if we can’t drive this green.

Forget projecting myself onto Bubba. I just like the crazy golf he plays. On with the links:

*I loved Spencer Hall’s embedded report from inside the Mississippi State football program. It’s a reminder that being a college football coach is exactly like your job, except a coach works twice as many hours and have no hobbies or life, and really is only interested in being a coach 24 hours per day and is not interested in anything else whatsoever.

*The Classical is following along as a few folks in Baltimore start their own minor league soccer team. It’s a nice look at sports in the minors, where it’s less about money and more about running your own team so you have someone to cheer for.

*The Toronto Maple Leafs missed the playoffs again this year, thus extending their streak of futility. There are many reasons the Leafs are terrible, but The Economist has a novel explanation: global warming is ruining winter in Ontario.

*I enjoyed Eric Nusbaum’s negative look at the MLB Fan Cave. Key quote: ” The… myth is that individual fandom is measurable in the volume of cheers, the number of caps owned, the amount of trivia spouted off, or the total hours spent at the ballpark.”

*I don’t remember a lot about the mid-90s Twins – it’s all a blur of Scott Stahoviak and Pat Mahomes and Rich Becker – but I do remember the night they introduced their hideous red alternate jerseys.

And finally: Man, look at what playing for the Orioles does to a guy.

I’m back at Canis Hoopus today with another edition of Timberwolves Point/Counterpoint, the goofy post in which I imagine an argument for two different Timberwolves players. Today, it’s Ricky Rubio arguing with Anthony Randolph about whether optimism or pessimism is best.

Like last time: stupendously dumb. This is fun.

The Twins lost their first three games of the season. This week, they play two American League powerhouses, the Angels and the Rangers. Minnesota’s pitching is terrible, their defense weak, their hitting anemic. In all seriousness, it’s very possible that the Twins could get swept twice more.

I suppose this is a serious problem, if you consider the Twins’ travails to be a serious subject. Nevertheless, I’m determined not to take it seriously, and so at Twinkie Town, I look at some potential scenarios – some plausible, some implausible, some ridiculous – in which the Twins could lose another six in a row.

It’d be remiss of me not to remind you that the Minnesota Stars are playing at the Dome tonight, that tickets are just $5, and that you really should just get downtown and give them a try before you tell me that you’re completely uninterested in ever watching a Stars game. And as always, this post appeared first at RandBall, your home for soccer kisser-uppers.

I have been feeling very nostalgic this week, a baseball-related sense of nostalgia for a bygone age, because of Opening Day, I suppose. The strange thing, however, is that I’ve been feeling a sense of nostalgia for baseball in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and it’s odd to be nostalgic for a time in which pretty much everything to do with baseball was demonstrably worse.

Do you remember? Nobody went to games. In 1987, in the September heat of the pennant race, the Twins had 18 home games. They drew more than 30,000 fans just five times in that stretch. Most of the Twins games weren’t on TV, especially if (like me) you lived in a town that didn’t offer MSC; the Cubs, Braves, and Mets were all on more often than the Twins were. Fantasy baseball involved calculators and box scores; sabremetrics involved math and baseball cards. Most of the league’s teams played in parks that were dilapidated wrecks or vaguely-converted football stadiums. Tarp machines ate Vince Coleman. Things weren’t better.

Even so, you’re just going to have to bear with me. Here goes: Cecil Fielder aiming for the roof at Tiger Stadium. Tiger Stadium in general. Harry Caray on TV. Skinny pitchers with non-ironic mustaches (Exhibit A: Doyle Alexander.) Pennants painted on the right field wall at the Metrodome. SkyDome, the blueprint of all future baseball stadiums. Rob Deer striking out a hundred thousand times every year and Mickey Tettleton’s stupid batting stance. The Twins in the AL West, Milwaukee in the American League, and Bernie Brewer and his goofy slide into a beer mug. Baseball on WGN, the SuperStation, and WWOR. Ah, the memories.

I’d like to thank you for indulging me in this trip down memory lane. And now, on with the links:

*Spencer Hall must be the only writer who can connect “Mad Men”, the back seat of his grandpa’s car, and a discussion of concussions, liability, and the inherent risk of football.

*Francisco Liriano starts today for the Twins, and Steve Adams at Twinkie Town has three reasons that Liriano appears to be on track to turn it around from a bad 2011.

*Will Leitch says that Slap Shot – the greatest sports movie ever made, in my considered opinion – is great because it’s also the most honest sports movie ever made.

*Minnesotan Steve Marsh writes a long article at Grantland about Ricky Rubio, his history, and his impact on Minnesota. Like a lot of people, I can’t quite get enough of the “what might have been ” game with Rubio. Why couldn’t you stay healthy, Ricky? WHY COULDN’T YOUR SMILE PROTECT YOU? (/sobbing)

*The American soccer team missed out on qualifying for the Olympics. The Classical’s Noah Davis takes a look at what this means for the future of USA soccer.

*And finally: My favorite thing to write every year is the Twins Season In Review, Way Too Early joke column. However, if you don’t like the self-promotion, here’s Spencer Hall writing about dogs and trying to make you cry.

I don’t need to explain the Dark Clouds, except possibly to explain their name, which makes more sense when you realize the group began as fans of the Minnesota Thunder. I don’t need to explain them because you can’t miss them, if you go to a match. They’re the group parked pregame outside the stadium with the huge grill and the free beer; they’re the group that’s sitting in the other set of stands at the game, making noise and generally raising hell. The scoreboard? They built it. They run it. (Indeed, one of the simple joys of a Stars game is watching part of the group run down to the scoreboard to add a number after a goal, an activity they undertake with unbridled joy and occasional tripping and falling.)

The atmosphere at Stars games is almost entirely down to them. And so last night, I talked with Dark Clouds representatives Ben Pfutzenreuter and Jim Crist, to try to get a sense of what the group is up to this year and what makes the Dark Clouds keep coming back.

Q: What are you excited about for this year?

Ben: Last season, we had one of the best results on the field that you can have in order to create a compelling story for why you should be a fan of the Stars. Obviously a lot of people’s first response to finding out that we have a soccer team is “Oh, well, what’s the quality of play?” and these hilarious questions of “Oh, do you play on the team?” So I’m really excited to say that we have a team that’s holding a title that we just won and have a lot of momentum coming out of last season. I’m excited to see how this club can grow their fan base, and hopefully how that can bring some more people in to what we’re doing as a supporters group for the club.

Jim: We had really good growth last year as a supporters club. I’m excited to see with some of the things that we’re doing, like bringing in Surly [to provide free beer at home games] and putting a focus on more of merchandise and gameday tifo displays. [NOTE: Here’s a short explanation of the term “tifo”.] I’m excited to see what that can do as far as bringing new people into the group. I’m also excited that we have a core of twelve or so players who were around last year, so I’m excited to see how they progress as a team. A lot of teams went out and strengthened themselves, but I’m excited to see how these guys go out and prove themselves against the competition.

Q: What’s the big plan for Saturday and the Dome Opener?

Ben: What we’ve started to do with Surly and them giving us beer is great, and we’re going to continue that, so we’re really excited for people to come out to the pre-match experience with all of the free beer that we’re going to be giving out. In addition to that, there’s the tifo piece. Tifo is common in soccer, it’s creating these big banners and otherwise creating experience that you can’t really find in any other American sport. And we’ve created what should be at this time the largest tifo in the NASL. We’re really excited to unfurl that and create an experience that’s unparalleled in Minnesota sports and hopefully within the league.

Jim: There’s another Jim besides myself, and we are going to have trivia down at the Local on Saturday morning. It’s something that we normally do in conjunction with the Premier League games, but that’s going to be at 9:00 on Saturday. And then we’ll be heading over to the Dome and starting to tailgate. It could end up being a really long day for us…We’ll probably be going around harassing people to come over and hang out with us and get to know us.

Q: Why? Why become superfans of a second-division soccer team?

Ben: I think the answer’s twofold. I think the biggest reason is that it’s a better time. The kind of fandom that we have is really, really damn fun. It’s way more animated, it’s way more engaged. I think the best analog is contemporary Minnesota sports is probably Gopher hockey. You’re really loud and you really do make a difference with what’s happening on the field. Colloquially, it’s called the twelfth man. There are eleven players on the field, but a good crowd can be that twelfth man for a team. You really feel it when you’re in the supporters’ section at a soccer game – particularly in Minnesota, where I think we do a really good job of engaging players on the field. We do it through jeers and heckling, but we pride ourselves on not being vulgar. We do a really good job of getting a rise out of players.

In addition to that, I think we can probably get an MLS team here. We’ve had people from MLS come in and say that we’re a primary market. I think with what’s happening with the new stadium, there’s certainly not an inevitability, but the potential’s better than ever and we have an awesome track record of supporting professional soccer efforts here in this state. If you look at how we did in the original NASL era, we were in the top tier of attendance there and we were pulling 30,000 people to a game. That competes with what Seattle does right now in the MLS. It’s not going to be the same as the original NASL, but we have huge potential here. And it’s fun to be on the ground floor for that. That’s what’s really exciting.

Jim: A big part of my belief in putting all of this work into a supporters group is, one of the main ways that we can help this sport grow in this country is just supporting the team that you have at a local level. Going out, and making as much noise for it, and doing whatever you can to support it. I’ve been all around the world watching soccer. I’ve been to World Cups, I’ve been to Anfield, and it’s great, but it takes it to another level when you’re cheering on your home team players from your city.  You know that you’re creating history instead of jumping into or latching on to existing history that somebody else has created. That’s a big part of it for me.

Ben: I think what’s so intoxicating for a lot of Americans who go abroad to watch soccer – be it Manchester United, be it Inter – there’s a real connection between the fans and that team. I think that really resonates with people, and what that really is about is being a fan of where you’re from. I think being a fan of Minnesota creates a connection so much deeper than you can have with another team in this sport. I think once people come to games, they really figure that out.

Q: Do you ever think about suggesting to the club, “You know, we provide the atmosphere around here – the least you can do is let us in free?”

Ben: I think we’re all too committed. We actually want to help the club out. I’m more than happy to pay for tickets. I’m willing to pay for just about anything, because I really do believe in the Stars as a team and what they’re doing, and I know finances are a huge part of being a successful club. I’m more than happy to contribute in that way.

Jim: In order for the team to find successful ownership, they need to show potential buyers that they have a strong fanbase. Through purchasing season tickets, I feel like I’m doing that. Don’t get me wrong, I went to my fair share of Thunder games mooching off friends or whatever. But the club came to us last year, and they told us that if you want this to happen, you have to buy into it.

I think that there are different ways in which the club rewards us for our dedication to the team. Like last year, when Ben and I were in Fort Lauderdale, we were able to drink beer out of the Soccer Bowl after the team won it. I feel like we get a certain level of appreciation back from the club, both at the front office level and from the players. Getting free stuff is a good deal, but if it’s something I believe in, I’m going to buy into it.

Q: For somebody who is uninvolved with the Dark Clouds, and is maybe a little intimidates when they show up and there’s a whole group of people who seem to know each other, what’s the best way for somebody uninvolved to get involved?

Ben: I had never been to a Stars game before last year. And oddly enough, now I’m on the board of the Dark Clouds. I found the best way to get involved was to scream really loud and take the free beer they’re offering. I did those two things, and pretty much immediately I felt right at home. Any subculture, especially one as peculiar as being a soccer fan in America, is going to be odd from the outside looking in. But we are trying to be inclusive and inviting and really friendly. We’re even pretty nice to the opposing team’s players (laughter). We try and be super inviting. If it ever feels intimidating, just come and yell with us and you’ll realize it’s a pretty friendly atmosphere.

Jim: We have a giant grill up at the NSC that anybody can use. If you want to get to know us, bring some Kramarczuk’s and throw them on the grill and just hang out and say hi. Like Ben said, take the free beer.

Q: Anything you want to promote?

Ben: Facebook’s our primary hub. If you want to find out what we’re doing, or if you just want to find out what it’s like being a fan of division two soccer, go to facebook.com/MNDarkClouds.

Jim: There’s a fantastic picture on our Facebook page right now of a Scottish gentleman who has a costume for the Dome Opener. I would definitely recommend that people go to our Facebook page and check this out, because not only is it a costume of the Loch Ness Monster, but he’s a Scottish man with a really loud voice. It’s brilliant.

The Minnesota Stars open their season Saturday night at the Metrodome, in what they’re calling the Dome Opener. In addition to my Q&A with CEO Djorn Buchholz, I also had a chance to talk with Kevin Friedland, who does virtually everything for the Stars. He’s a defender on the team. He’s an assistant coach. He designed the jerseys that the Stars are unveiling tomorrow evening. He’s the Director of Business Development. Near as I can tell, there’s not a single thing that happens in Blaine without him having a hand in it.

Last week, I had a chance to talk to him about all of these roles, as well as about the Dome Opener.

Q: Do you prepare differently for playing in the Dome, versus a regular match?

A: I think this time we’ll have to, just because it’s turf, and typically here in Minnesota we play on grass. But we’ve been training on turf all preseason, so we should be pretty comfortable with it. The other side of that is that we’ll only get train in there one time, the Friday before the home opener. And I think on our team, I don’t think we have anybody besides myself that’s actually played in the Dome before. Maybe Brian Kallman in high school or something. So it’ll be kind of a new setting for all of the players.

**
Q: Does the ball behave differently in the Dome, or what changes between playing in the Dome and playing outdoors on grass?**

A: The good thing about the Dome is that there are no elements. There’s no rain, no wind, no sun – so that’s pretty much a positive thing. I think you have to get used to the lighting – the lighting’s not bad, you just have to get used to it. And then just the surroundings. I think when you’re out at the NSC, the guys have gotten comfortable with the surroundings – having the beer garden at one end, having the tunnel on the other end, the locker room, it’s familiarity with the stadium. Being that it’s the first game of the season, we’ll have a bunch of new guys anyway; I don’t see too many problems there.

Q: You played in the last big soccer game at the Dome, the David Beckham game. What do you remember from that game?

A: That was probably one of the best experiences I’ve had in Minnesota, in my nine years here so far. I think we had 24,000 people there, there was really only three weeks to build up – I think they sold tickets for only three weeks leading up to that game. I’m sure of the 24,000, most of them were there to see David Beckham, but it was just kind of a great experience. It was very professional, the way the whole thing was run. Having that many people there – that whole bottom bowl was full. It was a cool experience to pay in front of that many people, and it was one of his first exhibition games. It was the first year that he was in the league, so it wasn’t like he had played in every city at that point.

Q: Last year was frustrating for you – only two appearances, both as a substitute. What are your goals on the field this year?

A: I hope to contribute more on the field. I think the way the league has changed, we’ve gone down to only three subs. We used to have five subs, and I think as a defender, typically you like to keep your back line intact throughout a game. I just have to stay ready, and if I’m called upon I’m ready to go. I obviously have a lot of experience in the league, but also being an older player and a coach, there are times where I have to put other guys ahead of myself if that’s the right decision.

Q: What’s your role on the coaching staff, especially if you’re also out there competing as a player?

A: In the off-season and in the pre-season, I take on a bit more responsibility. I help find a lot of the players that we bring in, though I don’t really make the final decision on who makes the team – but I have influence there. But my job is to get as many players to Minnesota, in front of [head coach] Manny [Lagos] and [assistant coach] Carl [Craig] as possible. Throughout the season, because of my familiarity with a lot of the players and other teams, I handle a lot of the matchups and talking to our guys about different players on the other teams and their tendencies. I work a lot with our set pieces and the matchups we do on corner kicks – who’s going to mark who, and stuff like that. It’s a lot of that. It’s probably more behind the scenes – then when I’m training or playing, I’m really just a player.

Q: You’re also a member of the front office. You do interviews, you promote the team – I even saw a picture on Twitter of you directing a photoshoot. Is there anything with this club that you don’t do?

A: I think at this point I’ve done it all. I’ll pick up the locker room, I’ve done kit man duties. It can be a humbling experience at times, where as a player I think you don’t realize everything that goes on to make a team happen. Especially with our size – we really only have six people in the front office, and two of the six are players. It’s something that when you’re just playing, you don’t realize everything that goes into it.  Actually right now as we’re talking, I’m in the basement at Planet Soccer, working on printing our jerseys. I think my roommates will tell you – I live with Kyle Altman and Neil Hlavaty – they see me working all the time, sometimes too much, but stuff’s got to get done. I think that’s kind of the mentality of our office. There’s so much work to get done – you’ll see Djorn [Buchholz, the team’s CEO] doing stuff that the CEO shouldn’t be doing, that you wouldn’t think the CEO should do. And so we all just chip in. None of us are afraid to do something that needs to get done.

Q: What do you do in your role as director of business development for the Stars?

A: I have a lot of responsibilities with that, but the easiest way to put it is, part of my job is to not just find different revenue streams – whether it’s merchandising or finding other events, this year we’ll hold an adult tournament, for instance – just different ways to produce different revenue streams. But also, part of my job is to make sure that the club looks as professional as possible, so everything we do from the outside, like changing the logo, how we look, how we’re perceived – that’s a big part. How our players are treated, making sure that they’re all taken care of. So it’s really just professionalizing the club from the outside looking in, but really also on the inside. Making sure we’re doing things the right way, and not trying to cut corners if we don’t have to.

Q:  What do you think your greatest success in that area so far is?

A: It’s tough to say. For me, I think one of the biggest things that will come out this week is these new uniforms. I take a lot of pride in making sure our guys are taken care of. I think players can often be overlooked at a club. But happy players make a better team, and it also makes Minnesota a better place – for years, Minnesota wasn’t a place that players necessarily wanted to go. Winning a championship helped that. Now, if they come here, and we take care of them – and there’s not too much you need to do to take care of players. You help them get the right gear, and you help them find places to live, and they enjoy the lifestyle – then more players will want to come play here. It’s really taking care of those guys, and keeping everything professional, so they can’t leave this club with a sour attitude.

Q: What are you most excited about in 2012?

A: Playing, I want to play more, I want to win a championship again. As a player, I’d like to contribute a bit more than I was able to last year. From the coaching side, just to continue to gain experience, continue to learn and help the younger guys become better players. In the office, the ultimate goal is to find an owner for the team. Trying to build this club up internally, so that we can become more attractive for an owner.

Q: Anything else you really want to promote?

A: The event on Thursday night – we’re doing a Shine On documentary screening plus the jersey launch on Thursday night at Brit’s… We’re doing something pretty cool with the uniforms for this year. I’m going to say it’s probably never been done before.

**Q: I didn’t know there was really that much room for jersey innovation left out there. **

A: There’s not. But fortunately we don’t have like MLS or a league that says, here’s your numbers, here’s your letters, and stuff like that. The creativity part comes in. I’m allowed to design the back of the shirt however I want. I start with the Admiral shirt and I sit down here with some of the designers at Planet Soccer, and we come up with something. It’s all about the details for me. The little details are important to me. On Thursday we’ll see. We’ve tried something – I think it’ll be a big hit. We’re coining this as the “Year of the Fan”, so that will show a little bit in our jerseys as well.