The Twins have been calling up about two relievers a week yet, to the point that they should start having a quiz at the front gates: name all seven people in today’s bullpen, get a free hot dog. With all of these callups, then, I imagine over at Twinkie Town what the Twins must be doing to keep their new recruits in the loop – and I think it might be a form letter.

Editor’s note: As always, these links appeared first at RandBall, your home for the best free posts on the internet.

Happy Saturday! Let’s dispense with the pleasantries, shall we, and get straight on with the links:

*Canis Hoopus is into full off-season mode, and this week, they have an interview with arena host Mike Rylander, who’s better known by his unofficial name amongst all people who’ve attended a Timberwolves game: “Holy smokes, is that Wally Szczerbiak?” Rylander’s leaving to pursue better things, but it’s still a good look at somebody who’s been part of the game experience night in and night out at Target Center. (This is more than you can say about, say, Sebastian Telfair.)

*I don’t know why this post – a 20-years-later look at a Belle Plaine HS baseball scandal that made the front page of the Star Tribune Metro section – is so fascinating to me. Maybe it’s just nostalgia for 1991. Or maybe because this seems like such a quintessential small-town story – a non-issue that the whole town got caught up in and that ended up being a much, much bigger deal than it had any right to be. Whatever it is, I really enjoyed it.

*It turns out that skateboarder Tony Hawk is now 43 years old. This may make you feel old. It also turns out that he can still do a 900, 12 years after he did one for the first time. This may now make you feel lazy.

*Oh, those tricky St. Cloud State Huskies – you can’t turn your back on them for even a minute.

*And finally: if you think that you’d enjoy a video of Alec Baldwin punching John Krasinski in the face over a baseball game, then have I got the video for you!

That’s enough for this week; try to get out there and enjoy the weekend. Also try to forget that it was cold and rainy last weekend and is muggy and rainy this weekend, and in between when you were stuck in the office, it was gorgeous and sunny out. You won’t be able to forget. But try.

Last week, it was set theory and Venn diagrams; this week, it’s math-related word problems. My Twinkie Town columns seem to have taken a mathematical turn. Possibly because only mathematics can explain how bad the Twins are. Next week, we prove that we need only four colors to mark each worthless Twins catcher, such that no two adjacent catchers have the same color!

The following edition of the weekend links was written while staring at a lake. This explains why it’s so fishing-centric. I was also watching the Twins lose, which probably explains the rest of the links. As always, this appeared first at RandBall, your home for current events.

Happy fishing opener! I hope that somewhere out there, there’s someone reading this after having been out on the lake at 12:01 am last night. To that person: I hope you caught your limit. And I hope you brought something warm to drink, because it was wintry out there.

On with the links:

*We’ll start this week with an essay by Brian Phillips titled “Your Stupid Rage”. It’s an essay on insane fandom, or “hyper-partisanship,” and it’s the kind of thing that we sports fans should read once every three months, at least those of us like me that have the tendency to explore the far side and outer edges of fandom. Key quote: “And here’s where I save your life. Because the truth about hyperpartisanship is that it is an absolutely miserable and unpleasant way to be a sports fan.” I admit: I’ve been there. And it’s a regular battle to not spend all my time there.

*This week’s edition of Parker Hageman’s regular analysis covers Michael Cuddyer. Take a look at the video footage, and explore why Cuddyer’s power has dropped down to almost nothing.

*If it’s not an analytical Twins post you’re after, then may I offer you a few screenshots from the Twins version of the Oregon Trail? (That’s good stuff from the That’s Twins Baseball blog.)

*And finally: remember Bryce Harper? You know, the teenage catcher in the Nationals organization that was reputed to be a combination of Johnny Bench, Carlton Fisk, Man O’ War, and a full-grown grizzly bear? He was hitting .231 earlier this season in Class A, before the team discovered that his vision was so bad that he could barely see. Now he has contacts, and he’s leading his league in every conceivable hitting category. I mention this, of course, in the hopes that the Nationals will bring him up to the big leagues, and are willing to trade Wilson Ramos back to the Twins. We’ll even give them Matt Capps back. (Hey, they gave 31-year-old Jayson Werth a seven-year contract for $126 million. You have to admit, there’s a chance they’d go for it.)

That’ll do it for me. Now, get out on that lake. Those fish aren’t going to jump into the boat and fillet themselves.

Today at Twinkie Town, I use Venn Diagrams to try to explain why the Twins are so bad. (On a side note, the Venn Diagram is a comic form ripe with possibility.)

This week’s weekend links contain a story about my friend Dan and Liriano’s no-hitter. Reading it back, I may have made him sound a little more fanatical than he is. A better angle may have been, “How my idiotic fanaticism made an exhausted friend waste his time on a baseball game in May.” Sorry, Dan. Anyway, these links appeared first at RandBall, my favorite sports blog with somebody’s name in the title.

Let me tell you a story about sports. Tuesday evening, my friend Dan got up at the end of the sixth inning to go home. Home is in Rochester, he was in the Cities; he had 90 minutes of driving in front of him. The rest of us said, “You can’t leave now! Liriano’s throwing a no-hitter and you’ll jinx it!”

Dan had spent most of the previous week in the car. He’d driven to Chicago from Rochester for a multi-day class, driven back home for one night there, then wheeled up to Brainerd for three days. He was on his way home, finally, and had stopped for dinner with three of us Twin Cities dwellers. Dan has a wife and an almost-five-month-old at home. He is finishing up his residency in orthotics and prosthetics. He has his final certifications in a month. I have known Dan almost literally my entire life, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look as exhausted as he did Tuesday night at dinner. When we told him he couldn’t leave, implying that the actions of four guys in Roseville could possibly affect in any way a baseball game in Chicago, logic would have dictated that he punch each of us in the face.

But sports aren’t about logic. Dan sat down and stayed through the end. Of course he did. And that – that, somehow, is what fandom is about.

On with a few Saturday links:

*We start this week with a Will Leitch-penned column on Bud Selig that I just thought was wonderful. Short version: for as goofy as Bud is, he’s still probably the best commissioner in the major sports.

*In hockey news, a guy called Bernie McBain is apparently trying to ruin the community-based fabric of Minnesota youth hockey. Goodness knows that there are issues with the way youth hockey is run, here in Minnesota or anywhere, but I really don’t think that making youth hockey into AAU basketball is going to help anything.

*Eleven days ago, MLS side Real Salt Lake had a great chance to win the CONCACAF Champions League, the continent-wide club soccer championship. Despite a 34-game unbeaten streak at home, RSL lost, 1-0 to Mexican champions Monterrey. Sports Illustrated’s Grant Wahl thinks it’s a trend – USA soccer just can’t take its best opportunities.

*And finally: the Twins have dumped their music director. Local favorites, like the Hold Steady, are off the playlist, and have been replaced with what I believe is usually known as “crap.” I mention this because I suspect that Rand and possibly commenters Stu and Brandon will likely be arrested at Target Field at some point this year for trying to break into the booth and strangle the new music director. If the blog suddenly goes dark, you’ll know why.

That’ll do it for this week; enjoy your Saturday. And to Dan: thanks for not jinxing that no-hitter. We appreciate it.

This week’s Twinkie Town effort is a sort of Mad Libs for game recaps. Seeing as how the Twins kept getting beat the same way and offering the same quotes about it, I figured – why not save some time when it came to recap the games?

Here’s this week’s edition of the weekend links, which actually have some writing to begin with and not just links! As always, these links first appeared at RandBall, your home for soccer kisser-uppers on the Minnesota internets.

Welcome to this edition of the weekend links! First off this week: yesterday, our local pro soccer team, the NSC Minnesota Stars, put on what I think may be the best promotion I’ve ever heard of. The team printed up 2,000 Stars scarves, then left them various places around the Twin Cities – the downtowns, Uptown, and the U of M campus especially – with an offer for free admission attached. If you found a scarf, you got the scarf, plus two free tickets to tonight’s home opener. That’s the Sid Hartman statue there in the photo, wearing his own scarf.

I nearly left work to go search. As it was, I found one on my way to lunch. I left it there – I can’t go to the game tonight, and I thought it only fair to leave the scarf for someone who could make it – but what an absolutely cool idea. I may buy season tickets just because I’d like to congratulate the Stars marketing department. The game’s at 7:30 tonight at the National Sports Center in Blaine, against Carolina, in case you’re wondering – I recommend it.

On with the links:

*Spencer Hall has some bad news for Grantland Rice, who just can’t make the cut in today’s world of sportswriting. Sorry, Grantland. You’ll have to go someplace where they don’t care how poorly and weirdly you write. Like Bleacher Report! (NOTE TO RAND: IF I CAN’T TAKE A GRATUITOUS SHOT AT BLEACHER REPORT, PLEASE REMOVE JUST THE FINAL SENTENCE OF THIS PARAGRAPH. BUT BLEACHER REPORT DESERVES IT BECAUSE THEY SUUUUCK.)

*PGA golfer Ben Crane has appeared on RandBall before, and now he’s returned with more videos. Ben Crane is either insane or a comic genius, possibly both, and either way he’s now absolutely my favorite golfer.

*Parker Hageman at TwinsCentric goes to the videoto try to figure out why Francisco Liriano can’t throw a strike. Late on Friday, it came out that Rick Anderson and Ron Gardenhire had a discussion with Liriano about his release point, so apparently Parker wasn’t too far off here.

*Finals week is coming up, and Canis Hoopus has published its final grades for the 2010-2011 Timberwolves. Let’s all look on the bright side: only one F! And four D’s, but still!

*And finally: The Sports Economist blog reminds us all that, when you see the “economic impact” statistics for any sporting event (in this case, the CONCACAF Champions League final in Salt Lake City), those figures are almost always wrong.

That’s enough for this week. Here’s hoping you found your scarf, yesterday. To all other sport teams in the area: there should be more scavenger hunt-based promotions. After my excitement yesterday, I feel very strongly about this.

Today at Twinkie Town, we try to find nice things to say to the members of a 9-12 ball club that is hitting as if the team had issued piano legs instead of bats. For example, Jim Thome looks great in plaid. That’s what we in the business call “an intangible.”

I have to hurry here – I’m missing out on the French rugby match referred to in this post. (It was a joke that turned into something I actually wanted to do. I’m a sick man.) As always, these links appeared first at RandBall, which seems to be your home for creepy pictures of the eyes of Dr. TJ Randelberg.

Happy Saturday! With the Twins rained out last night, I got some serious cable surfing accomplished, and I have to say – it’s a good time to be a channel-flipping sports fan. Playoff hockey, playoff basketball, baseball, soccer… it’s hard to turn on the TV without seeing parts of four or five different games. (At least for me. Maybe the rest of you see the Cardinals and the Reds on channel 873 and don’t think, “Oooh, how’s THAT game going?”)

Anyway, on with the links:

*We begin this week with the great Spencer Hall, who took to the park to play a bit of Aussie Rules Football in Atlanta. With no photographer available, you’ll have to depend on Hall’s renditions of the game, which I think are probably even better than photos would have been. Also, I understand that a Aussie Rules club also exists here in the Twin Cities, so if you live in the area and enjoy running for two hours while a muscular Aussie punches and kicks you, your next move is clear.

*You’re not going to believe this (you philistines), but the NHL has just signed the most lucrative television deal in league history, a ten-year, $2 billion deal. The biggest news here is that every game of the playoffs will be nationally televised, unlike the current arrangement that shows about half of the games (at least in the first round). This means they’ll need more announcers, and I can only hope, as I always do, that they’ll spend the money and get Gary Thorne back where he belongs, calling playoff hockey.

*The Vikes Geek would much rather have a new Vikings left tackle than a new Vikings quarterback. Having seen Bryant McKinnie play on a regular basis, I’m inclined to agree.

*Twins links this week: Parker Hageman breaks down Jason Kubel’s adjustments at the plate, while Aaron Gleeman says the 19th greatest Twin of all time is somebody I’d honestly never heard of.

That’ll do it for me; I’ve gotta run. There’s a French rugby match on at 10:25 this morning that I just can’t miss. (ESPN3 has really put a dent in my free time.)